Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Little Messages Through My Child

So I've been musing today.  Can my child "bring" me messages from God?  You know, confirmations or encouragement?  I will give you three personal stories as examples...

Story #1 -

Note:  I HATE public restrooms and usual enter armed with wipes and hand sanitizer and go all Scrubby Bubbles on the joint.  

We were driving home from our family vacation about a month ago.  It was potty break time.  The stress of the trip had brought on an insane concussion related headache, which brought on nausea, shakes, etc.

I entered the bathroom alone the first time - I had to throw up.  Then my little one had to potty, so I retrieved her from her Daddy.  I didn't even wipe down the toilet for her like I usually do.  "This looks like a clean enough place,"  I thought.  I knelt down on the floor while she did her business, another thing I NEVER do.  Me on a public bathroom floor.  *sigh*

My body was shaking, my head was throbbing.  Every smell and echoing noise made me want to scream.  Then my daughter said, "Look Mommy, it's my brother!"  She was point to the picture on one of those plastic toddler seats some restrooms have.  "No Baby, you don't have a brother."  But she insisted, "Yes I do.  The baby that was in your tummy that went to see Jesus.  That's my brother."

Then I started thinking...we haven't really talked about this miscarriage with her.  Only once, when I first miscarried we explained that the baby in Mommy's tummy had gone to be with Jesus, so we wouldn't get to see the baby until we got to Heaven - this was just over fifteen months ago.  We never found out if we were having a boy or girl. (I lost the baby at 12/13 weeks, but it was abnormally small, the doctor said.)

Of course I started to cry.  I'd been feeling like I "made up" this whole losing a baby thing - why was I still grieving my baby?  I felt validated.  Like it was OK to miss my unborn child.  Like Jesus had my baby and was taking care of it.  Like it was a son, I'd always had that gut feeling.

Story #2

Another concussion headache going strong.  It was bedtime a few nights ago.  One side of my head was throbbing that I could hardly see out of that eye.  I told my little one that we'd have to do our night-night routine quickly tonight, because Mommy's head hurt really bad.  She cooperated well.  As I was tucking the blankets around her, she grabbed my arm,"Mommy, don't you worry.  God says He will make your head all better.  Don't you worry."

I smiled, and a bit of tension seemed to leave.

Story #3

Headache for the last three days (a trend, yes) and I'm sick of hurting!  This concussion is really trying to get the best of me.  With potty training coming to an end (whoohoo!) I was helping my daughter finish up in the bathroom.  All done I looked at her and said, "Can you pray for Mommy today?  My head hurts really bad again, and I want to have a good day with you."  Right there, she knelt down, knees on the floor, elbows on the toilet seat.  She closed her eyes and said, "Dear Jesus, please help Mommy's head feel better.  Thank you for Mommy and Daddy.  Amen."

Yes, again this brought tears to my eyes.  She hasn't been willing to pray out-loud too often.  I hugged her and said, "Thank you."  Ya know what?  In about 5 minutes, my headache cut in half!  And as I type, it's nearly gone.

Story 3 is what made me start thinking today.  Our babies are innocent.  Their minds and hearts are pure.   Has God been trying to tell me "It's OK, I'll take care of your concussed head," this whole time but I've so busy worrying and stressing that I haven't heard Him?  How many gentle reminders and bits of encouragement from Above do I miss because I've allowed my mind and heart to be clouded with anger, frustration, uncertainty, and such?

Maybe God sends messages through our kids, maybe He doesn't.  I don't know.  But these three instances in the last month have meant something to me.  It's been special.    
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